Monday, August 12, 2019

How to Smile to A Person I Don’t Like?

3 ways to boost up your charms with smile

What’s an easy question! JUST FAKE IT!
Are you sure?

Firstly, what does the question mean to you? Is that

A. How to wear a smiling mask while facing someone I don’t like? or
B. How to have an authentic smile to a person I don’t like?

For those interpreted the question as A, faking a smile is a choice. On the other hand, if those preferred B, there are other two ways can help you to handle it.

Pros and cons for a fast reaction

Smile or happy is the easiest facial expression to fake. Since it is an easy facial expression, people use it to hide their true emotions frequently and habitually.

True is better than fake. However, everything has its bright side, even a fake smile. Here I illustrate 3 reasons why a fake smile is not a bad choice.

  1. It’s fast. When we are facing a situation or a person that is not suitable for any expression but smile, use the intellectual mind, form a fast-fake smile would help.
  2. A smiley face is better than an angry or contempt face. No one could predict or know what’s going on to a person. If meeting someone who just lost a beloved one, or experienced a trauma, an angry face is not an “honest” expression but an expression that hurts.
  3. Fake can become genuine. It is possible that facial expression can intensify or transform our mood. Therefore, a faking smile might become a truly happy smile.
Meanwhile, please keep in mind, a fake smile can only hide a true emotion for a short time. Other than that, the interactions with a person, who you don’t like, would show your true feeling.

Moreover, if that person spotted your smile is fake, you might be categorized as a dishonest, untrustworthy person.

Way 1: Form a smile with the knowledge

So, how to make a smile that looks real? Focus on the lip as well as the muscle around the eyes.

For a happy facial expression, the lip corners will pull up, and the muscle around the eye is active.
People can tell it’s a social or a fake smile if the muscles around the eyes move slightly or no movement. Thus, the eye muscles are crucial for a genuine enjoyment smile.

There is a saying in Cantonese which described a highly pleasant state: “eyes disappeared with a smile”. In other words, the muscles around the eyes show a significant contraction indicates a true enjoyment.

Let’s check the photo below, it is a very good friend of mine. He is an optimist who has a sincere smile all the time. People called him “A Friend of Everyone” because making strangers into a friendship is his second nature. If he meets thirty strangers in an hour, he can become friends of these thirty strangers. How can he do that? It’s a long lecture and a smile is an essential part of the result. Therefore, his facial expression is worthy to mimic.

Look at the picture, note that a signal of true joy is the muscles around the eyes had been activated.
Alright, what if I want to have a truthful smile to someone I don’t like? read on.

Way 2: Three steps to a new mindset

Let’s name a person you don’t like is Cilantro.

Firstly, figure out why you don’t like Cilantro. Because he is arrogant? overcritical? inconsiderate? nasty? bossy? unethical? and you name it.

However, why you think those are unlikable traits? Because that is what we have learned, for instance, we learned a big-headed person is not likable. That is some values and believes in our subconscious mind. (Refer the article and video HERE to get more inside of the subconscious mind.)

Cilantro, on the other hand, being arrogant, overcritical, nasty and so forth, most of the time, is not he makes efforts to let you don’t like him, he is just being himself based on what he learned too. He considers his behavior is confident, not arrogant, not bossy, and so on.

Seeing him as an arrogant person is your perception. In contrast, he holds a different perception, he thinks he is charming, and some people might think he is charming too.
Why? it’s perception discrepancies created by different brains.

Perception formed in the subconscious mind, rather than the logical mind. As a result, changing a belief in the subconscious mind could help to make a genuine smile to Cilantro, but that is time-consuming and might not be ideal. Alternatively, 3 steps use the conscious mind to form a new mindset.

  • First step: Understand that Cilantro learned different thing than you do, especially in childhood.
  • Second step: Respect him. Not necessary to agree with him, respect is good enough.
  • Third step: Find out the positive effects behind his behavior. Every behavior has a positive effect(s), that might serve others or the person itself.

It’s easier to generate an authentic smile after you make a new mindset by the above-mentioned steps.

If Cilantro is a kind of long-term relationship person, for example, he is your boss, your father-in-law, your husband's best friend, etc., you can consider spending time work on your subconscious beliefs.

Way 3: Back in time

One concept I learned from Louise Hay, an American motivational author and the founder of Hay House, she said: “a baby doesn’t know how to judge your butt is big or small.” That is so true, right?

Imagine that you’re a little 3 years old child, you’re going out with your parents and looking at Cilantro, If your parents are both smiling to Cilantro, what would you do in this scenario? You could sincerely to modeling your parents and smile to Cilantro.

Now, smiling sincerely to a person you don’t like is easy for you.

Extra Notes

Actions created by thoughts and thoughts can be changed. In other words, creating a smile begins in thoughts.

Thursday, August 8, 2019





  1. 「怎樣可以變成很假的人,對著自己討厭的人也笑得出來?」
  2. 「對著不喜歡的人如何真心笑得出來?」





  • 好處一、這是最快捷的方式。不用想太多,也是典型意識層面的應對方式。
  • 好處二、即便是裝的,「笑」比板著黑臉來得好。人與人之間相處,我們不曉得我們的反應及表情為別人帶來的是什麼樣的影響。如果萬一對著一個剛好失去親人的人板著黑臉,這是雪上加霜。換句話說,「板著黑臉」表面像是一種呈現〝真實〞的方式,但也是不顧別人的方式。因此,在可以控制自己的情況下,板著黑臉及裝笑兩者中,我會選擇「裝笑」。
  • 好處三、「笑」的同時有機會改變自己對別人的情感,尤其是裝「真笑」的時候。















  • 首先,理解「產生的行為只是學習的差異」,不喜歡的人只是跟我學了不一樣東西的人;
  • 第二,允許自己成為思想開放的人,尊重這「不喜歡的人」的行為。不需要勉強去認同,而是尊重他/她有著不一樣的童年及經歷;
  • 第三,找出其行為背後的正面效應。








Wednesday, August 7, 2019

Two Conflict Quotes Help You Recognize What Went Wrong in Life

Two Conflict Quotes Help You Recognize What Went Wrong in Life

The conflict

Have you ever wanted to have a different life? That's insanity!

Alright, I mean, you might be if you don't know what is going on in your life.

Albert Einstein said: "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."

But wait a minute here, doesn't everyone repeat to do the same thing over and over again?

Another genius, Steve Jobs, the founder of Apple company said: "for the first 30 years of your life, you make your habits. For the last 30 years of your life, your habits make you."
This simply means our life is driven by habit because the human being is a creature of habit.

As a habitual creature, we naturally repeat what we have done, we are supposed to do the same thing over and over again.

Mixed up the words from Einstein and Jobs, concluded that PEOPLE OVER 30 WHO EXPECT DIFFERENT RESULTS IN LIFE ARE INSANITY.

It doesn’t sound true, right?

So, Let’s figure out how to make those quotes in the same sense as each other.

Two parts of the brain they don’t get along

Our brain is combined by at least two parts, one is called Conscious Mind, another one is Subconscious Mind.

In the early stage of life, the subconscious mind built up by learning value believes, behavior, attitudes, etc. During the formation of the subconscious mind, the mind easily received and accepted whatever others teach us. We also seek survival while formed our behaviors by cooperating with others. Amazingly, this part of the brain dominates 90% to 99% of our actions on daily life.

On the other hand, the conscious mind, built up after the subconscious mind, is composed of knowledge, logic will power, reasoning, etc. Astonishingly, it only attributes from 1% to 10% to our action and motivation.

Seriously? Yes. WOW! It’s huge!

Let’s take a Chinese dim sum--chicken paws, as an example.

I love chicken paws. I grow up in Asia, Macau. To me, chicken paws are the most delicious dim sum. People have it for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks. My father loves it so much, when I was little, he introduced chicken paws to me with a big smile in a happy forever manner. At that point, my subconscious mind accepted that is a portion of food makes me happy, and that’s why it becomes one of my favorite.

But, do you like chicken paws?

Lots of my American friends, they freak out when they saw me having chicken paws. They couldn’t believe that gross feet are editable. Why? Because while they grow up, their subconscious mind learned, and accepted chicken paws are disguising and dirty.

When I and my friend dined into a Chinese Restaurant, in the conscious mind, we all knew the chicken paws are one of the “must order” dim sum, everyone ordered it and took it”. But, guess what, my friend vomited up after a bite.

Why my American friend couldn’t accept it as I do? Remember the subconscious mind is the most powerful dominator of our behavior? The reason my friend couldn’t take it because the subconscious mind says NO even the conscious mind says YES.

Your wish is accepted only the dominator says so

Now, let’s replace the chicken paws with an abundant life.

If you desire an abundance life, you only know in your conscious mind that you deserve it. But nothing will work eventually if the subconscious mind doesn’t agree with it. It would just like the chicken paws, people vomit up or sick or whatever actions will be followed to not make it happened.

Let’s re-phrase what Einstein said:

“If you only use your conscious mind, you will do the same thing over and over again because the subconscious mind will draw you back. Therefore, if you expect a transformation life in the conscious mind, you’re insane.”

And what Jobs said is much easier to be understood:

“For the last 30 years of your life, you’re a normal human being who controlled by your subconscious mind.”

So, if you get the idea from the conscious and subconscious mind, you now know, the wisdom of Einstein and Jobs are merged.

Folks, if you want some changes in your life, no matter they are small or big, not only try it hard in your logical mind but also do some work in the habitual mind.

Tuesday, August 6, 2019


兩句矛盾的名言 突破人生





但是奇怪了,蘋果創辦人賈伯斯 (Steve Jobs) 卻引用過一句智慧金句:


也就是,我們在30歲之後,就是以習慣主導的模式生活。什麼是習慣? 不斷重複的行為,而且是再正常不過行為。













學習看見獨特! 01 - 憂鬱的根源 最近一個十多歲的少年,得了憂鬱症,於是找上了我。 他眼淚流著說:「在網路上發照片,按讚的朋友不到十個。我發的照片比某某人好,但某某人兩天就有上百個讚!」青年繼而不斷重覆訴說自己不受歡迎、自己不夠某某人好的想法。 你可...