Monday, August 12, 2019

How to Smile to A Person I Don’t Like?

3 ways to boost up your charms with smile


What’s an easy question! JUST FAKE IT!
Are you sure?

Firstly, what does the question mean to you? Is that

A. How to wear a smiling mask while facing someone I don’t like? or
B. How to have an authentic smile to a person I don’t like?


For those interpreted the question as A, faking a smile is a choice. On the other hand, if those preferred B, there are other two ways can help you to handle it.

Pros and cons for a fast reaction


Smile or happy is the easiest facial expression to fake. Since it is an easy facial expression, people use it to hide their true emotions frequently and habitually.

True is better than fake. However, everything has its bright side, even a fake smile. Here I illustrate 3 reasons why a fake smile is not a bad choice.

  1. It’s fast. When we are facing a situation or a person that is not suitable for any expression but smile, use the intellectual mind, form a fast-fake smile would help.
  2. A smiley face is better than an angry or contempt face. No one could predict or know what’s going on to a person. If meeting someone who just lost a beloved one, or experienced a trauma, an angry face is not an “honest” expression but an expression that hurts.
  3. Fake can become genuine. It is possible that facial expression can intensify or transform our mood. Therefore, a faking smile might become a truly happy smile.
Meanwhile, please keep in mind, a fake smile can only hide a true emotion for a short time. Other than that, the interactions with a person, who you don’t like, would show your true feeling.

Moreover, if that person spotted your smile is fake, you might be categorized as a dishonest, untrustworthy person.

Way 1: Form a smile with the knowledge


So, how to make a smile that looks real? Focus on the lip as well as the muscle around the eyes.

For a happy facial expression, the lip corners will pull up, and the muscle around the eye is active.
People can tell it’s a social or a fake smile if the muscles around the eyes move slightly or no movement. Thus, the eye muscles are crucial for a genuine enjoyment smile.

There is a saying in Cantonese which described a highly pleasant state: “eyes disappeared with a smile”. In other words, the muscles around the eyes show a significant contraction indicates a true enjoyment.

Let’s check the photo below, it is a very good friend of mine. He is an optimist who has a sincere smile all the time. People called him “A Friend of Everyone” because making strangers into a friendship is his second nature. If he meets thirty strangers in an hour, he can become friends of these thirty strangers. How can he do that? It’s a long lecture and a smile is an essential part of the result. Therefore, his facial expression is worthy to mimic.

Look at the picture, note that a signal of true joy is the muscles around the eyes had been activated.
Alright, what if I want to have a truthful smile to someone I don’t like? read on.



Way 2: Three steps to a new mindset


Let’s name a person you don’t like is Cilantro.

Firstly, figure out why you don’t like Cilantro. Because he is arrogant? overcritical? inconsiderate? nasty? bossy? unethical? and you name it.

However, why you think those are unlikable traits? Because that is what we have learned, for instance, we learned a big-headed person is not likable. That is some values and believes in our subconscious mind. (Refer the article and video HERE to get more inside of the subconscious mind.)

Cilantro, on the other hand, being arrogant, overcritical, nasty and so forth, most of the time, is not he makes efforts to let you don’t like him, he is just being himself based on what he learned too. He considers his behavior is confident, not arrogant, not bossy, and so on.

Seeing him as an arrogant person is your perception. In contrast, he holds a different perception, he thinks he is charming, and some people might think he is charming too.
Why? it’s perception discrepancies created by different brains.

Perception formed in the subconscious mind, rather than the logical mind. As a result, changing a belief in the subconscious mind could help to make a genuine smile to Cilantro, but that is time-consuming and might not be ideal. Alternatively, 3 steps use the conscious mind to form a new mindset.

  • First step: Understand that Cilantro learned different thing than you do, especially in childhood.
  • Second step: Respect him. Not necessary to agree with him, respect is good enough.
  • Third step: Find out the positive effects behind his behavior. Every behavior has a positive effect(s), that might serve others or the person itself.

It’s easier to generate an authentic smile after you make a new mindset by the above-mentioned steps.

If Cilantro is a kind of long-term relationship person, for example, he is your boss, your father-in-law, your husband's best friend, etc., you can consider spending time work on your subconscious beliefs.

Way 3: Back in time


One concept I learned from Louise Hay, an American motivational author and the founder of Hay House, she said: “a baby doesn’t know how to judge your butt is big or small.” That is so true, right?

Imagine that you’re a little 3 years old child, you’re going out with your parents and looking at Cilantro, If your parents are both smiling to Cilantro, what would you do in this scenario? You could sincerely to modeling your parents and smile to Cilantro.

Now, smiling sincerely to a person you don’t like is easy for you.

Extra Notes


Actions created by thoughts and thoughts can be changed. In other words, creating a smile begins in thoughts.

Thursday, August 8, 2019

怎樣對著不喜歡的人笑?三種方式助你成為笑容達人

怎樣對著不喜歡的人笑?

三種方式助你成為笑容達人


裝不就行了嗎?
裝真的行嗎?

首先,「怎樣可以對著不喜歡的人笑?」這個問題可以有下兩種詮譯,針對不同詮釋有不同的相應方法。
  1. 「怎樣可以變成很假的人,對著自己討厭的人也笑得出來?」
  2. 「對著不喜歡的人如何真心笑得出來?」
如果你的詮釋是第一種,並且深信只有喬裝自己是唯一的方式時,的確可以選擇「裝笑」。

「笑」是各種面部表情中最容易裝的,也是在商業界或職場中最經常被使用遮掩自己情感的方式。

「裝笑」與「真心笑」不能比,不過「裝笑」有以下好處,所以,我會仔細說明如何「裝笑」。

不過,「裝笑」的過程,除了「笑」這個動作之外,其他與人相處時呈現的話語、肢體動作、語氣聲調、散發出來的情感等等,都會容易透露出「我不喜歡你」的真實感受。也就是,「裝笑」是有風險的,千萬不要誤以為「裝笑」時別人感受不出來;當別人看得出來或感受得出來時,容易讓別人對你產生「不誠實」、「不能信賴」等刻板印象。

因此,雖然有以下的好處,但同時需要承受風險。


  • 好處一、這是最快捷的方式。不用想太多,也是典型意識層面的應對方式。
  • 好處二、即便是裝的,「笑」比板著黑臉來得好。人與人之間相處,我們不曉得我們的反應及表情為別人帶來的是什麼樣的影響。如果萬一對著一個剛好失去親人的人板著黑臉,這是雪上加霜。換句話說,「板著黑臉」表面像是一種呈現〝真實〞的方式,但也是不顧別人的方式。因此,在可以控制自己的情況下,板著黑臉及裝笑兩者中,我會選擇「裝笑」。
  • 好處三、「笑」的同時有機會改變自己對別人的情感,尤其是裝「真笑」的時候。

如何裝笑?


「笑」這種面部表情,除了嘴巴上揚之外,重點其實在於眼週的肌肉,眼週的肌肉動得越多,呈現的喜悅程度越高。

廣東話有句關於笑容的表達:笑得見牙不見眼。這種就是高度喜悅時,眼週肌肉會呈現明顯收縮的情況。

在「裝笑」的時候,最容易露餡的笑容是只動到嘴巴的笑;當然,如果在正式的場合,裝笑時笑得見牙不見眼,也同樣會容易露餡。

下面這照片是我一位非常要好的朋友的笑容表情。他是一位樂觀主義者,如果一個小時內,他遇到三十個陌生人,他可以變成這三十個陌生人的朋友,因此我特別花時間去注意他的一舉一動,發現這種快速建立友誼關係的其中一個關鍵是他真摰的笑容。能夠影響別人的笑容是來自於真心,但如果你無法「真心笑」必須「裝笑」時,他的面部表情值得參考及模仿。

如果你的詮釋是第二種,請繼續閱讀。



對著不喜歡的人如何真心笑?


謹記,任何人都會有喜歡及不喜歡的人、事、物,學習對著不喜歡的人真心笑,不代表你需要對全世界任何一個人都真心笑,以下的知識是幫助你在有需要的時候多一種選擇。

一個人之所以被你標籤為「不喜歡的人」,大部分的情況都不是意識定出的標籤,而是由潛意識定出的標籤。(若不了解潛意識控制行為的觀念,請參考兩句矛盾的名言助你突破人生)。

試想想一種情景,假設我是一名高中老師,對於工作相當認真,無論是衣著打扮或對學生的態度我都相當嚴謹;在新的學期來了一位新的女老師,每天都花枝招展、穿短裙,短短一個月的時間,成為男學生口中〝最棒的老師〞,改作業改考卷都讓學生代勞,上課多次遲到,校長也被她的外表騙了所以只有口頭警告。我由心裏深處就不喜歡這位新老師,並認為她沒規矩、沒深度、道德價值觀超弱。

為什麼我會標籤她為「不喜歡的人」,但學生卻標籤她是「喜歡的人」?因為新老師的各種行為跟我在潛意識根深柢固的信念產生衝突,但沒有跟學生的潛意識產生衝突。我的潛意識有「老師是一個學生的模範,認真、嚴謹、守時是必備的態度」的深層信念,而新老師的行為與我的潛意識產生衝突,觸發了潛意識層面的抗拒,所以新老師被我的潛意識分類為「不喜歡」。

相對,新老師也將我標籤為「不喜歡的人」,因為她從小母親就教導她「外表很重要、女孩子不打扮就不是女孩子、有外表有成功」。在辦公室遇到每天都不化妝且只穿黑色或灰色衣服的我,她的潛意識定義了我是「停留在改革開放時期,不曉得外表很重要的呆女」,所以我的外表與她的潛意識產生衝突,觸發了她潛意識層面的抗拒,將我定義為「不喜歡」。

也就是,「不喜歡的人」其實是「潛意識信念有差異的人」或「學習不一樣觀念的人」。
扭轉心態的三步驟

怎樣對著不喜歡的人真心笑?


  • 首先,理解「產生的行為只是學習的差異」,不喜歡的人只是跟我學了不一樣東西的人;
  • 第二,允許自己成為思想開放的人,尊重這「不喜歡的人」的行為。不需要勉強去認同,而是尊重他/她有著不一樣的童年及經歷;
  • 第三,找出其行為背後的正面效應。

這時候,「真心笑」就會變得相對容易。

如果必須對著一個「不喜歡的人」笑,而這個又是長期相處的人,例如老闆、婆婆、老公/妻子最好的朋友等等,可以花多一點時間調整潛意識的信念;但如果「不喜歡的人」只是人生的過客,例如客戶,我的作法是告訴自己「如果我跟他有一樣的經歷,我很可能成為一樣的人」,繼而理解及尊重他。

返老還童


另一種方式是:返老還童。

試想想,一個三歲的小孩,看到一個第一次見面的人,如果爸爸媽媽對這個人笑,這個小孩也會跟著笑;用你無限的想像力將自己返老還童,想像這個人就是現在定義「不喜歡的人」,這時候就能「真心笑」。
擴大視野的過程

我人生一個非常重要的啟蒙恩師,他說:「任何的行為都一定有正面的效應。」而當我應用他的話將自己的視野擴大時,尤其面對難以原諒的人,深深的明白到:「沒有受過傷害的人不會懂得傷害別人。」

因此,學習對著不喜歡的人笑,產生出的理解,也是一個擴大心靈視野的過程。

Wednesday, August 7, 2019

Two Conflict Quotes Help You Recognize What Went Wrong in Life

Two Conflict Quotes Help You Recognize What Went Wrong in Life


The conflict

Have you ever wanted to have a different life? That's insanity!

Alright, I mean, you might be if you don't know what is going on in your life.

Albert Einstein said: "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."

But wait a minute here, doesn't everyone repeat to do the same thing over and over again?

Another genius, Steve Jobs, the founder of Apple company said: "for the first 30 years of your life, you make your habits. For the last 30 years of your life, your habits make you."
This simply means our life is driven by habit because the human being is a creature of habit.

As a habitual creature, we naturally repeat what we have done, we are supposed to do the same thing over and over again.

Mixed up the words from Einstein and Jobs, concluded that PEOPLE OVER 30 WHO EXPECT DIFFERENT RESULTS IN LIFE ARE INSANITY.

It doesn’t sound true, right?

So, Let’s figure out how to make those quotes in the same sense as each other.

Two parts of the brain they don’t get along


Our brain is combined by at least two parts, one is called Conscious Mind, another one is Subconscious Mind.

In the early stage of life, the subconscious mind built up by learning value believes, behavior, attitudes, etc. During the formation of the subconscious mind, the mind easily received and accepted whatever others teach us. We also seek survival while formed our behaviors by cooperating with others. Amazingly, this part of the brain dominates 90% to 99% of our actions on daily life.

On the other hand, the conscious mind, built up after the subconscious mind, is composed of knowledge, logic will power, reasoning, etc. Astonishingly, it only attributes from 1% to 10% to our action and motivation.

Seriously? Yes. WOW! It’s huge!

Let’s take a Chinese dim sum--chicken paws, as an example.

I love chicken paws. I grow up in Asia, Macau. To me, chicken paws are the most delicious dim sum. People have it for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks. My father loves it so much, when I was little, he introduced chicken paws to me with a big smile in a happy forever manner. At that point, my subconscious mind accepted that is a portion of food makes me happy, and that’s why it becomes one of my favorite.

But, do you like chicken paws?

Lots of my American friends, they freak out when they saw me having chicken paws. They couldn’t believe that gross feet are editable. Why? Because while they grow up, their subconscious mind learned, and accepted chicken paws are disguising and dirty.

When I and my friend dined into a Chinese Restaurant, in the conscious mind, we all knew the chicken paws are one of the “must order” dim sum, everyone ordered it and took it”. But, guess what, my friend vomited up after a bite.

Why my American friend couldn’t accept it as I do? Remember the subconscious mind is the most powerful dominator of our behavior? The reason my friend couldn’t take it because the subconscious mind says NO even the conscious mind says YES.

Your wish is accepted only the dominator says so

Now, let’s replace the chicken paws with an abundant life.

If you desire an abundance life, you only know in your conscious mind that you deserve it. But nothing will work eventually if the subconscious mind doesn’t agree with it. It would just like the chicken paws, people vomit up or sick or whatever actions will be followed to not make it happened.

Let’s re-phrase what Einstein said:

“If you only use your conscious mind, you will do the same thing over and over again because the subconscious mind will draw you back. Therefore, if you expect a transformation life in the conscious mind, you’re insane.”


And what Jobs said is much easier to be understood:

“For the last 30 years of your life, you’re a normal human being who controlled by your subconscious mind.”


So, if you get the idea from the conscious and subconscious mind, you now know, the wisdom of Einstein and Jobs are merged.


Folks, if you want some changes in your life, no matter they are small or big, not only try it hard in your logical mind but also do some work in the habitual mind.

Tuesday, August 6, 2019

兩句矛盾的名言助你突破人生

兩句矛盾的名言 突破人生



「突破」、「改變」等等想法絕大多數的人在腦海裏都曾經產生過。


然而,並非每一次都會成功。因為,有時候忘記了,有時候放棄了,更多時候是進入了無限期的「等待狀態」。

當忘記、放棄或拖延時,心裏卻不時期待著「人生會奇蹟地轉變」,認為幸運之神總有一天會眷顧我。這種心路歷程,其實是愛因斯坦所形容的「瘋子」或「精神錯亂」(Insanity)。



「什麼叫瘋子,就是重複做同樣的事情還期待會出現不同的結果。」
-愛因斯坦


但是奇怪了,蘋果創辦人賈伯斯 (Steve Jobs) 卻引用過一句智慧金句:

「人生的前30年,你養成各種習慣;人生的後30年,你的習慣造就你。」
-賈伯斯

也就是,我們在30歲之後,就是以習慣主導的模式生活。什麼是習慣? 不斷重複的行為,而且是再正常不過行為。

試試將兩句名言結合:

30歲之後不斷重覆同樣的行為+做同樣的事期待不一樣的結果→
30歲後的人生若期待不一樣的結果就容易變成愛因斯坦說的精神錯亂?



「三十而立」,30歲之後是人生的黃金時期,不去期待人生出現不一樣的結果,這才有問題,不是嗎?什麼回事?

矛盾,是因為分不清楚


大腦有兩個部分用了完全不一樣的方式運行,分別是意識及潛意識。只佔了行為1~10%的意識,很喜歡誤導我們,讓我們以為它有100%的掌控權,我們被誤導時,潛意識偏偏不喜歡露面,也沒有糾正我們,所以,不知名的矛盾經常產生。

例如三十歲擁有微胖體型的我,產生了想要減重到45公斤的想法。

所以告訴自己炸雞炸薯條要戒,也不要再喝可樂要喝水;可是,看到炸雞薯條可樂時卻變了說詞,跟自己說:「好吧,明天再戒。」吃飽後去量體重時,後悔地對自己生氣說:「真沒用,不就說不要吃了嗎?明天不許再這樣!」

這種是想法與行動不一致,就是愛因斯坦定義的精神錯亂例子。

想法與行動不一致,其實就是意識與潛意識沒有達成共識。

愛因斯坦說的金句指的是意識與潛意識的矛盾;而賈伯斯說的是針對潛意識的行為。若能辨別意識與潛意識的差別,就能理解愛因斯坦及賈伯斯並沒有矛盾。同理,人生出現的各項矛盾,若能分清楚意識與潛意識,矛盾就能破解。
因此,潛意識,是你突破人生的關鍵。

看到潛意識,開展掌控人生的突破之旅!

人比人,不只傷害人

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